Spiritual Question – On Feeling Misplaced

The following is a question from a student on finding a spiritual home and feeling misplaced. shakti’s reply is here.

you wrote:

Dear Shakti, I was raised in a religious home, and although I am not religious any longer (and neither are my parents, they left their church after many decades), I occasionally find myself in mourning for a place of spiritual worship. I am mostly okay with the knowledge that ‘place’ is not so important. But I am constantly reminded that I a human being on the physical plane and ultimately, I do not want to feel so isolated from other humans.

Ten years ago I felt compelled to try yoga. I didn’t practice yoga for a further 5 years. Yes, I tried to avoid what I wanted to happen for 5 years!

I began when my life partner began. I bought both of us passes to a studio.Now, his practice flourishes; mine has dried up. We have a yoga room at home, he very gently asks me to practice every day. Instead, I read and write and take baths. He is not pushy, but is confused why I avoid it. As am I!

I feel very much like a conflicted person. I am scared. I feel shy in a studio because I can’t help but weep during asanas. All of my teachers have been very compassionate and kind, but I still feel very vulnerable and scared.

Intellectually and emotionally, I know that my own spiritual practice keeps evolving at the pace it is meant to evolve at. I try to be compassionate with myself. I can’t understand why I have made countless ‘moves’ to help others on their spiritual path, and still feel like I’m not deserving of the same help.

Perhaps I sound arrogant and pompous, but I feel misplaced. I actually feel very misplaced on the physical plane, and no matter how I go about trying to reconcile myself with it, I only really feel at home when I am asleep and lost in a world of dreams.

Any words you have that may help me overcome my fear of letting go and taking my partner’s hand would be appreciated. It’s hard being human.

Much Love

shakti’s reply is here.

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