The following question was posed to shakti by a reader.
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I would not go so far as to say I am experiencing a rise of kundalini exactly, but as my practice deepens I am beginning to experience some feelings and some phenomenon that I am…not uncomfortable with, but certainly disoriented by.
My practice has gone from physical, relaxing, and calming, to very internal, silent, and vibratory. Instead of practicing silence, I am immersed in it almost without warning or effort. My emotions run the gamut from powerful and confident to terrified, sad, and fearful of my very existence. Mainly, it is the emotional states that I am having a hard time with.
These feelings of being not in control are actually most present at the times when I am neither teaching nor practicing. It is the point after grounding, when I come “crashing back down to earth” that I feel the most lost. I almost feel as though I’m no longer in control of this awakening, and that it is getting deeper without my control. I don’t know if I feel ready for it, yet a deeper part of me is trying to ease into these new experiences.
Is there anything you can tell me about how to integrate this energy into myself so as to feel more in control of the experience? I find that the “negative” aspects of this awakening are only magnified by my day-to-day stress and worldly concerns, which makes it all the more difficult to handle. I feel strong emotions coming to the surface, as I am usually so grounded and calm – I feel very alone and lost.