A turning point

On September 30 2009 I entered the final era of my life. It may last for a year, it may last for 20 years; the time is not an aspect, as time exists only as a form of a concept for the purpose of communicating with others, just like language.

When I got up that day, I was not aware yet that it was going to be a significant day that would change my outlook on my own existence for the rest of the time that was left for me to dwell in my body. Earlier that day, I said goodbye to a group of teachers who I had just graduated and with whom I had spent a whole month in the beautiful wild nature of Golden BC. After my group left, I went through my usual death experience that I often go through at the end of intense courses. Physical sensations of death and loss were whirling in my third chakra, manipura, located in the navel area. Butterflies were fluttering in my tummy, trying to find their way back to their cocoons that were hidden beneath my consciousness. I went to sit beside the river. There I was watching my life streaming through me and away from me, as I was watching the river running alongside. We were one, I and the river, vibrating side by side through death and birth, being in the moment with our crystal clear consciousness. The only difference between me and the river is that I have a mind and the river has just pure consciousness with no interpreter. For a moment I was wondering if the river was watching me just like I was watching it.

After a while, I started walking away from the river, toward the local crystal labyrinth, while chanting Om Namashivaya Guru Dave, to notify the bears in the area that I was around.

I was standing in the entrance of the labyrinth, watching the stones inviting me to enter for my private ritual. As I stepped in, I knew I was entering the final fragment of my life. I was walking towards the centre of the labyrinth in kinhin style (a zen slow walking mediation), shedding my needs to the ground, one by one, stripping myself of my mind’s burden, getting lighter and lighter in my physical and psychic energies. I knew I was going to live my final time in my physical body with the utmost awareness, unlike the years of my youth that had passed through deep sleep. I found it fascinating and quite exciting to enhance my present moments with the knowledge that my time was arriving to its end. The future years were envisioned as cubes of ice rolling towards me at the speed of light. Each ice cube presented a coming year. Not many of them left. As they got closer to me, they melted to dust and time became invisible, untouchable and unreal.

When I got to the centre of the labyrinth, I could hear myself chanting loudly. I was in bliss.

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